


Disdain

by dontmindme_imafangirl



Series: Klangst Week 2017 [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I'm sorry for making my fave paladin suffer ok T-T, Insecure Lance (Voltron), KLangst Week 2017 - Freeform, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Sad, i drowned this with tags sorry lol, klangst, like REALLY insecure lance wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 03:44:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10563006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontmindme_imafangirl/pseuds/dontmindme_imafangirl
Summary: For Klangst Week 2017, final dayTheme: AU/Free DayLance is a puzzle Keith wants nothing more than to finally solve.The bright-eyed boy snuck his way into Keith's everyday life, bringing a flock of new feelings into Keith's chest.He doesn't know if he wants to find out what this feelings are.(University! AU with hefty doses of Langst)





	

Getting to know someone takes time, effort.

Getting to know Lance McClain takes a whole more than that.

That’s not to say that Lance is a broody mysterious character straight out of an otome game.  
No, Keith thought, quite the contrary. Lance was the most sociable person he’d met, always greeting everyone with a grin and bright eyes. Besides, it was Lance that initiated this.. _thing_ between them in the first place.

It started on a lazy summer day of their first year in university, Lance flopping down besides Keith on the grass, beckoning him about the book he was reading.  
Halfway through that year, Lance slipped his way into Keith’s everyday life, fitting himself into Keith’s routine.  
By the end of the first year, Keith realised Lance found himself in his morning thoughts and his fitful rest’s dreams, a feeling meddling at the pit of his chest that he’d yet to acknowledge.

He’d start to notice little things about him, things that urged him closer to figuring out the unsolved puzzle that was Lance McClain.

There were little tell-tale signs that made Keith think there’s more than what Lance shows, each speck of expression or gleam of eyes hiding something deeper, something perhaps the sun-kissed boy may not have known himself. 

Everyone knew Lance was a flirt. It wasn’t so much a rumor but a fact, he’d turn and wink at girls, lean in and compliment guys, people he found attractive. There was this mischevious grin on his lips everytime that gave Keith’s stomahc a run for its money whenevr he caught glimpse of it.  
Yet each time someone returned the sentiment; each time a girl would giggle and wink back, each time someone would lean in and attempt to flirt back, Lance would falter, eyes widening before he looked away, fixating his gaze on the ground and finding ways to slip out of the conversation.

A person at the bar would offer to buy him a drink and Lance would freeze, mehcanical smile on his lips before he tore his gaze away from them, stammering an apology, rejection ready on his lips. Keith raised an eyebrow each time he bared witness to the sight but said nothing, figuring perhaps the person wasn’t Lance’s type. He ignored the sense of relief flooding his chest each time.

He caught sight of the persnon behind the mask sometime during their second year of university, a lazy winter day cold enough to find the two boys lounging in Lance’s room, Keith sprawled out on his bed, a book in hand, whilst Lance sat beside him with his computer on his lap, anxiously refreshing their school webpage.

Keith tried to calm him down, tell him that his exam results wouldn’t come any faster even if he kept refreshing the page. It calmed Lance only for a moment, just enough time for Keith to return his attention onto his book despite the darkness setting outside, before a sharp intake of breath interrupted his focus once more.  
He peeked up to find Lance quivering, a hand over his mouth whilst his eyes widened.

A look at the computer screen let Keith know that the exam results were, indeed out.  
He tried to console his friend, tell him it’s not a big deal, an exam like that can just be retaken at any time and is no reason for him to be so upset, but all words fell on deaf ears, Lance’s head shaking in defiance with each quiet reassurance.

“I’m never going to be good enough am I.”

The words felt like a stab to Keith’s heart, the knife plunging and sitting still in the middle of his chest.  
Lance’s voice shook as he uttered them, eyes looking to Keith only for a moment before he shut them and begged the shorter boy to leave, to leave him alone to collect himself. Keith reluctantly did, not wanting to invade on Lance’s privacy but not wanting him to be alone nontheless.

It was a wake-up call, a moment that haunted Keith for days after. He’d go to bed thinking of the cloudy day, of Lance’s face, illuminated only by his computer skin, skin taunt and expression weak, vulnerable. Keith felt like he overstepped his bounds, like he’d seen something he wasn’t meant to, heard something not for his ears to hear.

Yet the sight never left his mind, and neither did the constritcting feeling in his throat. He started to wonder if thinking this much about another person was normal. If the twisting of his stomach everytime he saw Lance was to be expected, if touching the other boy, even ever so casually, should cause his fingertips to burn and his face to flush.

He realised it half way through their second year of university, on a night where a bright grin contrasted with gleaming eyes haunted his dreams.

Keith was in love with Lance.  
He didn’t know if the realisation hurt more than the feeling itself.

*****  
The days always felt longer, lazier, at the end of each academic year.

Second year was drawing to an end, and so was Keith’s patience.  
The moment he realised his feelings he swore to keep them under wraps, not wanting to push Lance away, not wanting to lose a friend.

They were walking around campus, the streets empty at this time of evening, the sky tinting pink and the air getting colder, Lance burrowed into his jacket whilst Keith nonchalantly sipped on his cold coffee.  
“You must be made of freaking ice, I swear.”

“Hey, it’s you that gets cold at a gust of wind.”

“Well _excuse me_ for being Medittaranean! I’d like to see your American ass get used to 40 degrees Celsius, only to come here and be told that 20 degrees are considered to be _warm!_ Warm!”

Keith huffed a laugh at his fluhed expression, the tip of Lance’s nose reddening. 

“It’s been two years, three almost. I’m surprised you’re not used to it yet.”

Lance shook his head, mumbling something about how he’ll _never get used to this dumb weather_ and the like, before he fell quiet, comfortably walking beside Keith before he started to hum a soft tune.

Keith took a moment to really look at the boy beside him. His half-lidded eyes, the tinted sky as his backdrop, casting shadows onto his sharp cheeks, lips pursed whilst he hummed and hair tousled by the wind.

Lance turned to look at him and his heart stilled the moment blue eyes locked on to him, stopping his hum in favor of giving a small smile to Keith, one of the ones that stole his breath away and made it all the more harder to keep the words begging to push their way through.

The moment Lance said his name, he knew he couldn’t keep them to himself no more.

“Please date me.”

It wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, the way he’d name the swelling in his chest, but he’d settle for it, being the first thing that came to mind.

He turned to meet Lance, taking a step close.

“Lance. I’d-I’d like you to date me.”

He noted the way Lance’s eyes widened, smile stuck in place awkwardly before he shut his eyes and laughed, bringing hands to hold onto his stomach.

“Geez Keith”, he muttered between huffs of laughter, “Please don’t joke like that. You had me going for a second!”

Keith stared until Lance calmed, hands shaking.

“What if I’m serious?”

The smile was now long gone from Lance’s mouth, eyebrows furrowing before he tore his gaze away from Keith, looking down to his shoes.

“Don’t joke like that Keith. It’s not funny.”

“I-I’m not-”

“Really, stop. You shouldn’t say things like that so half-heartedly. You’re lucky it’s me you said this to,” he grinned at that, eyes still looking down and away from Keith, “since I can take a joke, but if it was anyone else they might not appreciate it you know?”

His fists shook, his eyes burned and his chest _hurt_ , each breath felt like he was swallowing water into his lungs.  
Was that what this was to Lance? A big fat joke? He didn’t even have the patience to hear Keith out, realize that he was being sincere?

Did he not even have the courage to look Keith in the _eye?_

He thought back to all those times at the pub, or down long corridors, the way Lance shied away from unwanted attention, how he’d look away. Look away the same way he did right now, evidently uncomfortable with the situation.

This was Lance’s way of rejecting him.

He clicked his tongue, throwing his nearly-empty coffee cup down and into the ground between them, the action forcing Lance to look up and into Keith’s expression.

Keith said nothing, even as he felt the tears slip away and run a course onto his cheeks. As a last act of defiance he turned onto the heel of his shoe and walked away, leaving Lance behind.

This is what he was to him.  
He was nothing but a joke.

*****  
For two weeks, Keith had no contact with Lance.

In two weeks, Keith realised how big of a part Lance had in his life.

He’d instinctively look to his phone, expecting another emoticon-filled message to pop up his screen, only to find it empty, save for a few worried texts from Pidge and Hunk.

The first day he locked himself in his room, crying until his eyes hurt and his head ached, the numbness of it all catching up to him.

The second day Shiro barged into his room, his brother and roommate pulling him up and letting him vent to him, handling his fits of rage and tears the same way he did since they were kids.

By the third day Allura took matters into her own hands, visiting the two boys and all but forcing Keith off of the couch and into the shower, urging him to take a shower and just _get out of the house_ , take a breath.

He returned back to his classes on the fourth day, sitting at the row farthest away from the front, knowing Lance woud be sitting somewhere in the third or fourth row due to his bad eyesight. The empty sit beside him felt uncomfortable to see, reminding him of what he’d lost by opening his damn mouth and uttering words he promised himself not to.

The remaining of that first week flew by, pushing Keith into a new routine, one he had hoped to never see again. He’d finish class and head home, politely refusing Hunk’s advances and messages to hang out (knowing fully well who else would be included in said plans), sending Pidge a message to let her know he wasn’t in the mood for any gaming tournaments anytime soon.

He ignored the looks Shiro gave him, the older boy knowing not to push the situation when Keith was still so hurt, so vulnerable.

He didn’t just lose a crush. He lost a friend, a person he cherished, someone that sneaked their way into his daily life and turned everything upside down, smiling as they did.

Lance had impacted each part of his life. Now he had to remember what it was like to breathe wihtout the scent of the ocean around him.

By the end of the second week his heart felt like lead; it was still there, it was still functioning but it felt heavy and hollow, a shallow beat there and just enough to sustain him. He hated it, the way he had gotten so used to Lance, the way he let himself become.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Keith grinned to himself. Had he finallly turned insane? Was he hearing Lance’s voice in his head now?

“Straight to the point aren’t you?”

He halted, wondering what that second voice was.  
He was just on his way home, taking a shortcut through the back building of the campus’s library when he heard them.  
Following the sound he found an allway opening to the back door of the library, two figures standing across each other in it.

A peek inside alerted him of who it was.  
Lance was there, leaning against the wall of the alley, hands folded and a leg propped onto the wall, a man with thick long hair standing tall across of him.

“I thought you’d know the moment I told you. I mean, you know what this spot is famous for don’t you?” 

He heard Lance laugh, the sound ringing in his ears.

“I don’t know Lotor. A famous murder scene? I mean, we’re literaly in an alleway.”

The name rang a bell in Keith’s mind. Lotor, that third-year Lance sometimes hung out with. 

“Not quite. Apparently it’s a hotspot for hook ups. Something about the library ignites romantic feelings I suppose.” Lotor shrugged.

“Uh-huh. And we’re here because…?” Keith saw Lance’s shoulders tensing, taking a more protective stance.

“Because we were in the library a moment ago and I thought it to be the perfect spot to ask you to..” he halted, bringing a hand to rest on the wall by Lance’s head, “to ask _you_ to go out with me.”

Keith’s stomach sunk. His mind all but yelled at him, saying how he shoudln’t be here, eavesdropping, how he’ll only regret it after. Yet something in his gut told him to stay there, see how things paned out.

He trusted his gut.

“L-Look” Lance started, voice stammering, “I appreciate the sentiment but, I’m-I’m not interested.”

“Why not? We’ve known each other for a while, _I_ know you’re single, and coincidentally so am I.”

Lance turned, looking down and shying into himself.

“I’m just...I’m just not interested. I’m not looking for a relationship.”

Keith heard Lotor hum before Lance interrupted him.

“Or a ‘no strings attached’ thing either. Don’t look at me like that, I know you were gonna say that.”

Lotor laughed and stepped back, raising his hands in defeat.

“Fine, fine. I was half serious anyway. Still, I deserve an explanation as to why not, don’t I?” he cooed, his british accent rolling the words.

Keith dared a glance when a moment of silence ensured, seeing Lance turn away with one hand cradling the other.

“I’m just-I don’t want a relationship.”  
Keith winced at the sound of that.

“I don’t deserve one. Not when-”

Lance’s voice broke off, hiding his face into the sleeve of his jacket.

“Not when I screwed it up with the only one I wanted.”

Lotor put a hand through his hair and sighed.

“It’s about that boy you kept hanging out with isn’t it?”

Lance remained silent.

“Ah, this is seriously anti-climatic. Did you fall for him? Is that it?” Lotor sneered.  
Keith felt his heartbeat in his ears.

“You love him.”

“Even if I do-it’s too late.”

He heard shuffling and immediatly run away, using his athletic build to flee the scene as fast as his legs could carry him.

_”You love him.”_

He heaved, lungs failing him from the jog or the shock, or both. He wasn’t sure.

_”Even if I do-it’s too late.”_

It hurt, his legs ached, his stomach was ready to flee his body, a profound headache wrapping his head tight like a rubber band.

_Sleep it off_ , he urged himself, _Just sleep it off. I’m just tired. Just tired._

He tried to ignore the sound of Lance’s voice breaking, pounding in his ears.

****  
By three in the morning, when sleep had yet to come to him, he had had enough.

The scene kept playing and replaying in his head, each word of the conversation leaving him in a deeper state of confusion than before.

His headache wouldn’t seem to stop, leave him be. 

He needed answers, and he needed them _right now_.

With a start he got off of bed, still dressed in what he wore that morning, and grabbing his jacket from the hanger he stumbled his way to the front door.

He needed answers. Even if they hurt, even if the truth wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

He needed answers.  
He needed to see Lance.

****  
He knocked on Lance’s door until his knuckles hurt, all but pounding on the wood until he heard the boy inside groan a bitter ‘I’m coming’, followed by a slow shuffle.

Lance opened the door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes until he took a look and halted, taking in Keith’s disshelved state.

“We need to talk.”

Lance let him in without a word, eyeing him like a feral animal.

He took a look around the room. Lance’s computer was open and sitting atop his bed, a carton of cigaretted beside it.

“Were you sleeping?”

“Does it matter?”

Keith shrugged.  
Lance was defensive. He was leaning across his desk, arms wrapped around himself.  
It hurt, hurt to know he was the one causing him this discomfort, to see the distance between them, wondering if there was a bridge to cross through.  
If there ever was one.

He sighed and plopped down onto Lance’s bed, sitting at the far edge of it.

“How..how have you been?”

Keith looked up when he was met with silence.  
Lance raised an eyebrow at him.  
His eyes were rimmed with dark puffy circles, skin dry and hair messy, a state Lance would screech and call horrendous under any other situation, never allowing himself to look like that.  
The answer was evident enough.

“I was...I was thinking about what happened.” he ripped his gaze away from Lance, focusing on his hands resting between his thighs instead.

“Lance I was serious. It wasn’t a joke.”

He heard Lance’s shaky inhale but refused to look at him, fearing what his expression would betray. 

“Hearing you say that it was...it hurt. It hurt a lot. You just-you mean so much to me. Denoting what I feel for you down to a prank felt like you were ignoring my feeligns for you.”

He gulped, raising his head to meet Lance.

“I meant it. I lo-”

“Please don’t say it.”

Lance’s arms were folded over himself, his eyes shut, tears trickling down. In the faint of the night and the tiredness of it all, it looked like streams of stars down his cheeks.

“Please don’t say it. If you do I-I’ll get my hopes up.”

Keith stood, coming to a stop across Lance.

He didn’t say anything, only leaned close and waited, eyes never leaving Lance’s face.  
If he did, he’d never hear what Lance had to say. What his words wouldn’t ever convey.

“I’m not-I don’t _want_ you to want me Keith. I don’t deserve you, never going to be enough and-you deserve the freaking _world_ , no, the whole _universe_ and I just-” he broke down, now sobbing, eyes still shut tight.

Keith brought his hands to cup his face, catching tears with his thumbs.

It was gone. The mask he had been seeing for so long was long gone, replace by just this.

A boy far too vulnerable, a boy that had kept his defenses up for so long that he didn’t know how to cope without them.

“I never expected anyone to want me. Not in any sense. Hunk was my first friend and I pushed him away so much at first because, why would he want to hang out with me? I was a moody brat and he was literal sunshine.” he whispered when his sobs halted, momentarily, voice still shaky.  
“I tried being more cheerful so that I’d deserve to hang out with him and others, and so that people wouldn’t look at me weird and-it worked. I was happy it did. I still felt sad often but just hid it until I became happy again.”

Keith nodded but remained silent, letting Lance compose himself before he continued.

“Then I started just, hitting on people. It was like a joke y’know? I never expected anyone to flirt back or anything. Why would they? It just-” he stopped, breath heaving.

“It freaked you out?”

Lance nodded.  
“Why would anyone want to be with me?”

Keith wanted to answer, say a million things, list the reasons Lance was _perfect_ , worthy of love and all the care in the world but the boy carried on, bringing a hand to meet the one cupping his face.

“Then I came here and met _you_ and just...God. You’re perfect, you know that?”

He tried to hide the flush on his face, thankful for the darkeness of the room and for Lance’s half-lidded eyes.

“I just wanted to be near you. Falling in love with you wasn’t-it wasn’t an option. You’re just, you’re a freaking galaxy, this perfest cluster of atoms and-you’d never want to be with someone like me. I can’t see why you would. So that day...that had to be a prank. There was no way you could be serious, I-”

“But I was serious.”  
His voice was firm, louder than the hushed whispers from before. It made Lance reflectively look at him, eyes widenign.

“You keep saying you don’t deserve this and that, but _why_? Why wouldn’t you?” 

Lance’s lips quivered and Keith wasted no time in brining a finger to his lips, stilling the evident complain that was to come.

“You’re fucking perfect. Even with your stubborness and insecurities, you’re just...you’re _you_. You’re this totally self-less, wonderful _idiot_ that deserves so much more than what you think you do, you got a heart bigger than your body and you work hard even if you refuse to admit it and-and I love you. You don’t get to decide wether I do or not, but just know that I do. I love you and-and I hope you love me too.”

Lance looked at him at that, Keith’s eyes adjusting to the dark by now, letting him catch sight of the shocked expression.

He brought his forehead to meet Lance’s, hadns still firm on by the sides of his face.

“Lance. Do you love me?”

“I-” he breathed, “I do.”

Keith smiled.

“Will you date me?”

“I’ll fuck it up Keith.”

“No you won’t.”  
He leaned in, kissing Lance’s forehead.

“You’ll get bored of me.”

“Never.”  
He kissed his cheek, tasting tears as he did.

“But-”

“Do you want to? Do you _want_ to?”

“...Yes.”

“Then that settles it”, he huffed, bumping his nose onto Lance’s, “I’ll prove to you I can’t ever get bored of you.”

“I love you.”

He paused, lips parted.  
Keith hadn’t said that. He hadn’t. Which meant…

“I love you. I-I’m sorry, I wanted to say it for so long and just-” Lance choked back tears, his nose crinkling as he did, “I love you, I really, really fucking love you.”

Keith laughed, bringing a hand to the back of Lance’s head, pulling him close.  
“Idiot.”

He kissed him at that, the knot in his throat finally releasing him from its’ hold.

“You can say it as many times as you want. Just know I’ll say it back everytime. Forever. Until _you_ get bored of _me_.” he said when they broke off. 

The light from the computer screen was long gone, only the stream of moonlight streaming between them.

Lance huffed a laugh, bringing his hands to Keith’s waist.  
“ _You’re_ the idiot. I’ll never get bored of hearing it.”

“Good”, was all Keith said before a pair of lips clashed back onto his, and he’d never felt more at home than he did in that moment.

****  
“Keith, are you asleep?”

He hummed, feeling fingers twisting and curling into his hair.  
With a bleary gaze he found Lance’s face beside his, the hand not nestled on his side toying with his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

Keith stared, pouting at the words.

“I needed to say this before, but never got the chance to. I’m sorry for what I said. About… _it_ being a joke. And for hurting you. Sorry.”

He laughed, kissing the worry off of Lance’s lips.

“It’s alright. I’m sorry for throwing my coffee on your shoes.”

Lance gasped, a teasing look in his eyes.  
It must’ve nearing morning, if the light through the window was anything to go by.

“I forgot! I forgot entirely about that! Keith Kogane, your royal ass ruined my favorite Converse shoes!”

Keith huffed, burrowing his head into the pillows.

“Shush. I’ll get you another pair on your birthday.”

“That’s not the same! They’re my favorite shoes!”

He groaned, turning back to Lance and shutting him up with a kiss.

“Is that enough compensation?” he teased, wrapping his hands around Lance’s waist.

Lance said nothing but pouted, unable to hide the flush of his nose.

“I love you. And I hope you’ll learn to love yourself too.” he said after a while, not certain if Lance was asleep or awake, the boy’s face nestled into his chest.

“Maybe I will. Not immediatly, not right now, but...slowly.” he felt him reply, not lifting his head to meet Keith, though he already knew what expression the taller boy must’ve been sporting.

“And...I love you too.”

It was far from perfect. They were both still far too vulnerable, insecurities gnawing at their feet, threatening to swallow them whole with every opprotunity.

Yet Keith didn’t feel afraid.  
Not when they were together.  
Not anymore.

*****

**Author's Note:**

> And with this, the Klangst Week comes to an end!  
> I'm sorry for posting this a million years late-I meant to write & post it a day or two after Klangst week ended but life caught up to me, then when I tried writing it my pc crashed down before I could save my progress...three times. TuT  
> (Because of that I didn't even double-read this lol, so I'm sorry for any grammar/syntax errors)
> 
> Either way, thank you for reading! And thank you to all the amazing people that made klangst week a thing! It was really fun and I can't wait for more events to come around <3
> 
> As always, kudos/comments are very much appreciated! :D
> 
> If you'd like to send me a message/send a prompt/ponder over where Space Dad has gone on vacation to, shoot me a message at dontmindme-imafangirl.tumblr.com
> 
> See you at the next fic~
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: The title's from the song 'Disdain' by Knuckle Puck (I thought it fit the theme well lol~)


End file.
